Work Files - Episode #1

Th Work Files are a recollection of stupid ass shit that goes on in my workplace from time to time. Today's episode involves our three office ladies - Meg, Sharon and Daisy.

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Meg walks in after just having a conversation with a salesman about the need for more stock to be put on the shelves.

Meg: Sharon, could you please process some invoices, the boys have run out of stock downstairs.

Sharon: Why should I have to do it, it's your turn.

Meg: I have been doing that for three days now, I'm starting to fall behind on my other work.

Sharon: Well I can't do it, I'm too busy, and you choose to do it for three days. I should only have to do it once every three days. It's your turn.

Meg: I can't, Sharon, I'm too busy and they have run out of work downstairs.

Sharon: Well that isn't my fault, I can only do it once every three days, they should just do what I give them because I do as much as I can.

Meg and Daisy look at each other, her "as much as I can" meant one short one-lined invoice.

Meg: Well sometimes that isn't enough...

Sharon: Well I can't do it, I'm too busy.

Daisy: Look I'll do it today.

Daisy sighs as she already has piles of work to slog through, Sharon smirks and starts shuffling paper whilst Meg walks out before she does something unprofessional, like punching Sharon in the face.

****15 minutes later****

Meg walks in with a coffee after taking time to calm down.

Sharon (on the phone): Oh yes well I'll see if I can do that when I get home....yes, yes....I want to go out for dinner tonight....to that nice place that I like....yes, they do those sweet rolls...

Meg nearly walks straight back out again, but composes herself and continues with the work she was in the middle of before she walked out.

****20 minutes later****

Sharon (on the phone): Ok then, talk to you later....mmhmm, mhmmm....ok, ok, bye.

Sharon looks around her desk. She picks up the phone.

Sharon (on the phone): Hello darling, how is your day?.....

Meg bites her tongue, Daisy rolls her eyes.

****10 minutes later****

Sharon (on the phone): He did that? Really? What did you do?....

Meg answers a ringing phone

Meg: Goodmorning workplace, can I help you?

Caller: Er, hi, can I talk to Sharon?

Meg: I'm sorry, but Sharon is on the phone right now, can I get her to call you back?

Caller: er, yeah, can you ask her to ring her husband?

Meg: Will do, have a good day!

Caller: Thanks, bye.

**** 10 Minutes Later****

Sharon hangs up the phone, finally.

Meg: Sharon, can you call your husband please?

Sharon: ooh, yes.

Sharon makes another half hour phone call...all the while not doing anything and doing that annoying playing with the phone cord thing....yep, really busy.

Which of these guys would you take home to your nanna?

Pretend that they are the same guy, equal in hotness, equal in niceness, equal in everything about themselves...except what they are wearing.  Which guy would you take home Guy 1 (the top picture) or Guy 2 (the bottom picture)?

Why is this year going by so quickly?!?

Is it just me? or is this year half gone and it still feels like only last week I was celebrating New Years...

It's May...already. What the hell happened?

I can barely remember March for christ sake. And now Spirit Bound, which felt forever away is just around the corner from being released....Spirit Bound is a book for those who don't follow literature (Ash, Chrissy).

I'll be 19 soon...19 was always the age that I wanted to be frozen at, never get any older, just live my life at 19 forever...now my frozen life is 23, but it's getting closer to 26....

OMG, I'm getting old!!!!

My Body Is My Temple: Day 7

Okie dokie...still doing okayish...although i did have a donut for breakfast lol. But other than that, no maccas, healthy water intake blah blah snore.

And guess what...my body has had a reaction to my getting healthy!!!

...

For fricks sake...

My Body Is My Temple: Day 3

Three days of no crap...and I don't feel any different, let alone better. Other than getting up a three o'clock in the morning to pee...

I'm going to try and get healthy! LOL

Ok, so my mum has noticed, my boss has noticed and I can feel it. I'm getting fat...dum dum dum

So for a whole month, I'm going to be good!

I will be drinking 2.5L of water, every day. Cutting down on processed food, eating more fruit, controlling portion size and cutting out excess sugar and salt. And joining a gym, which i have been saying im going to do for three months...

I am also cutting out the maccas. OMG

So not really "dieting" (aaahhh my ears are bleeding!!) just being healthy.

I think i can do that.

30th of April...please come soon

Well, I'm off to have a massive peach for lunch

Sorry, please excuse my sex addiction...

OMG...at times, i really hate the gall celebrities have!

Tiger Woods, disgraced golfer and billionaire has now come out and said that he has a sex-addiction and is in therapy.

I'm sorry, but that's a cop-out. He's not owning up to the fact that he's a pig who cheated on his wife. And is now hiding behind the lovely word

when anybody thinks "addiction" they think...

so anyone trying to free themselves of that must be such a good person.

But we're not talking about drugs, we're talking about sex. Yes sex addictions exist but Tiger Woods is a pig, maybe a partial addict, but a cheating pig. And now the world shall forgive him because he's getting help, maybe some anti-Viagra to help with his long-shot and a lovely little press release to make it all go away.

Don't you just love celebrities.

Blogging...do i have to?

I have been blogging properly for about 3 months now. My boyfriend, who hasn't been around that long, has already noticed that i whinge alot about blogging.

So why do i do it?

1. I think i may have OCD, i feel guilty if i don't write a review about a book.
2. I have already put a lot of effort into keeping this shit running and im not going to waste it now
3. It's only some stuff that pisses me off, like sorting through spreadsheets and rounding up blog awards. But i feel i need to do it.
4. It gives me an excuse to read. I read waaay too much. I spend too much on books and ignore my other priorities for my literature.
5. i love to whinge...SPMB is a total whinge fest! I do things so i can whinge. I work so i can whinge, have exes so i can whinge, live at home so i can whinge, go to college so i can whinge and blog so i can whinge.

So there you have it darling, that is why i do it.

Maccas...An abusive relationship

Maccas, the smell, the taste, the convenience.

Ever since i was a little kid Maccas has always been a treat, not something to be eaten often...until last year. Last year I all but lived off maccas and this year, now I'm driving myself around its hard not to give in to the temptation of hot salty fries and the nicest watered down coke in the world.

Maccas is like an abusive partner...you bitch about it when it's not around wondering why you bother, but when its near, you fall to its feet and hope it will let you lick them, doesn't matter if your heart will stop in the process, doesnt matter if you could get clogged arteries from the salt doesn't even matter if you cant wear your favourite size 8 jeans for a week after you've eaten it, you still want it soooo bad. Its addictive in a way.

When others are eating maccas you think "omg, poor guy, thats going to end so badly", but for you it's ok. You can deal with it, you don't mind what it's doing to your body and you don't really care either, you think you're in love...

Kill me now...

Ok so I had a big weekend...

No, not like that. My weekend was full of food. Now my stomach is so hard that i want to cry from the pain :(

I will tell you all i ate this weekend.

Friday night: Fish and chips...or in my case, a hamburger and chips...yeah i felt a bit sick after that, but did i stop? no, because i am a dumbass.

Usually after a Friday like that i dont eat too much for the rest of the weekend, but now that there is a person of the male persuasion on the scene...im going out on weekends again aren't i...

Saturday: Met up at 1, got lunch, a stuffed potato...no, not a little one, one that fills an ENTIRE bowl...what was it stuffed with? Mexican beef and beans, avocado, chalots, cheese, tomato, garlic, olives, and some mushies...

I would look at that and think yeah, that will do me for the whole day...but no...

Went back to his place...soft drinks galore and then the most beautiful lasagne you have ever tasted...so what did smart little me go and do? gorge myself on two plate size pieces of the stuff washed down with pepsi and some pita...pita is like a rolled up pastry with spinach and cheese in it...beautiful, i might add...

Sunday, i wouldnt eat anything...if i were thinking straight...but no i decided to continue on my delusional little way...nothing in the morning *applause* but for lunch, as a favour...i took my two little brothers to maccas...they stuffed up the order didnt they, so instead of my quarter pounder...it became a double quarter pounder...did i take it back like i usually do? no...i ate it...and i felt my heart stop as i did...

for dinner my mum made cutles....crumbed lamb chops...and vegies...so i ate that too...

So on top of a whole bunch of oil and rich food that i am just NOT used too, i also decided to eat maccas which doesnt do well with my system as it is...

Well now its monday and i am dying at work...my stomach is killing me and i am praying to the heavens that i either chuck up or shit because all i want to do right this second, is lay down and die...the food was worth it...but still, oh so much pain...

A weeks worth of food in 2 1/2 days...smart

Procrastination, you are my secret lover...

Procrastination...we all do it, some more than others.

In August 2009 i didn't feel like slaving away when my boss wasn't around to appreciate it...so what did i do? I clicked into the World Wide Web and started a blog called Storywings. That was originally for my writing...now its for my reading. It kind of flopped until January 2010 when i came back from Chrissy holidays and couldnt really be bothered working yet...so what did i do? spent a week revamping it and making it into my baby to be loved and nourished every day.

Best procrastination outlet i have ever come up with...yes, even better than Facebook!

But now storywings has become something, something that i need to maintain...its still fun yes, but i feel guilty if i dont post reviews on time, or keep up with the weekly features, or get through the pile of books to read on my desk...

So to keep myself happy, i started another blog The Half Dead Tortoise...that held my interest for a good two weeks! It was to inspire me to write...which it did! but still...

Now we have SPMB to help with my procrastinating by writing about procrastination....excellent!!!

I really think i might have ADD...even stuff i love...i cant be bothered doing it...there is soooo something wrong with that statement...

Should i really be doing this?

So a collection of my rants, bad language and complaints about daily life...real smart, lovey. If i ever become a public figure; author, prime minister and so on...some one is going to dig this up and OMG LOOK WHAT SHE DID WHEN SHE WAS 18?!?!?! Peter Garrett anyone? Come on, no one takes that guy seriously.

She hated her job, doesnt have many friends and swears like a drunken sailor...

Well to you my haters 10 yrs in the future, stuff you. This is being done when i'm 18 years old. I have no real views on the world, although i like to think i have. I really dont care about where im going, as long as i become an accountant...get a good job and can read and write to my hearts content.

We all have our drawbacks...mine is my mouth...or really the lack of control over it. I will probably think back to this one day and go...you frickin idiot...

but right now...im having my fun

What's in a name?

Super Purple Monkey Bucket...SPMB for short

What the hell...you may be thinking. Well i love to talk, it is rare when im not..so when i go quite people feel the need to fill the void.

Every once in a while someone will just look at me and go...SAY SOMETHING

SUPER PURPLE MONKEY BUCKET is usually my answer to that little outburst...most people only ask that once so it remains funny for stories like this.

Why is this here?

Super-Purple-Monkey-Bucket...wtf? you may be asking...

Ok basically, I need a place to vent. I also write Storywings which i try to keep as "professional" as possible and The Half-Dead Tortoise which is confined to my writing adventures...

So i thinks to myself: I need a place to vent...not facbook because most of my "friends" wouldn't appreciate me clogging up their feeds with my nonsense. Not Storywings, because i've worked hard to make it what it is, and i love it to pieces, i dont want to wreck it with my abbreviations (lol, wtf), occasional bad language and completely unrelated rant sessions. Not The Half-Dead tortoise, because that is like my diary of my writing journey...who knows where that will end up...

So where can i talk about random crap that no one really wants to hear? Super Purple Monkey Bucket!!!